Bug Has Sex with Orchids

Charles Q. Choi

Special to LiveScience

Mon Apr 28, 2:45 PM ET

Orchids may be enthralling to humans, but our love of these flowers only goes so far.

Some wasps, on the other hand, find orchids so enchanting that they sexually climax while visiting them.

That first statement might not quite fit Georgia O’keeffe and some of her “flower” paintings, but wow, that is some weird research. Basically, the orchid mimics a female wasp. The male wasp has been out hunting all day and is on his way back to the nest when “Hello? What do we have here?” He takes care of business and goes on about his way without so much as leaving his cell phone number. The orchid doesn’t care, because she was just using the wasp. While he was distracted, she dusted him with pollen, which he will do doubt spread to the next “innocent” orchid he comes across. You see, this stuff writes itself. Apparently the deed includes a happy ending, but I don’t want to know who came up with the idea to find that out.

Now on to the real story. Clearly there will have to be a STD involved, or maybe a parasitic alien species that mimics humans in order to copulate. They can’t impregnate each other, but instead have to use an intermediary (us). To make it horror, have the eggs spawn inside the human host. To make it comedy, well, I’m sure you can come up with any number of ideas. The movie version will star Patrick Dempsey as the unsuspecting horny human.

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